Communicating with your girlfriend is a necessity if you're planning on keeping your relationship going. Unfortunately, your styles of speaking and listening might not always match up. Men tend to keep things simple and say the bare minimum when forced to express themselves, while women tend to play interpreter -- reading between the lines to fill in the holes in what she's hearing. The ultimate consequence? Not only does she hear the words you actually do say, but she also catalogs all of the things you chose not to say -- even if you didn't mean to say them. You've probably been involved in more than a few
arguments that were a result of something you said that was taken completely out of context or twisted into something else, and you were probably left scratching your head in bewilderment.
There is good news: With a few tweaks to common things you might say in your relationship, you can most definitely cut down on her hearing mishaps. No matter what the conversational topic, keep reading to see where you've been going wrong, and how to fix what you say and what she hears.
"Your friend is really nice."
What she hears: "I'm interested in her, and I'm wondering if she'd sleep with me."
Why she hears it: Men aren't known for random compliments, so she might be
jealous of the attention you're suddenly giving to her friend.
What you should have said: If you are going to compliment her female friends, be specific (reference a particular conversation you had) and try to qualify your statements (read: she seemed nice enough) to avoid looking like you're interested.
"He's whipped!"
What she hears: "I've lost another friend to the
relationship curse; women really know how to shut a guy down, but I vow never to give up my independence like that."
Why she hears it: If you mention your friend has changed since getting into a relationship -- and not for the better, according to you -- she'll assume that you feel relationships are negative and that you don't want to be in one.
What you should have said: If a relationship really has changed a friend, be careful to note whether the change is because of her (such as demanding hourly check-ins and regular gifts) or because of him (read: he's so crazy about her he blows off poker night to spend time with her). It really makes a difference
"I'm really busy."
What she hears: "I'm really too busy… For you."
Why she hears it: Women hear this and will immediately notice that you still have time for basketball with the guys, golf on Sundays and plenty of other non-vital activities, which leads her to believe that your lack of time is only related to her.
What you should have said: If you aren't saying this as an precursor to a
breakup, you need to make sure that your girlfriend isn't left feeling like she's getting the scraps of your spare time. Make dates with her in advance when you can, and make sure you keep them.
"Who's that guy?"
What she hears: "Has he ever seen you naked?"
Why she hears it: Questions like this often feel territorial; she may feel like you've already made up your mind regardless of her actual response, and she could object to your possessive insinuation. Not every man she speaks to has slept with her, or wants to sleep with her, regardless of what you might think.
What you should have said: Don't mention
her male friends and acquaintances first. Wait until she brings them up and fills you in on the details. If you run into another guy on the street with her, and she doesn't introduce you, then you should feel free to seek out the particulars.
"Let me help you with that..."
What she hears: "I don't think you can do it on your own."
Why she hears it: Chivalrous behavior has been fading for this generation, and women often get defensive when offered help in situations they feel capable of handling, even if the offer is sincere.
What you should have said: Rather than jumping in to take over, ask if she needs your assistance in a non-threatening kind of way, and accept whatever answer she gives.
relationship lingo
While these are just a few examples of things you might be saying to your girlfriend, they give you a pretty good idea of how your words are being interpreted by a woman's ears. Stay tuned -- we'll be decoding even more common phrases to help you out in your quest to understand your woman and how she really hears the things you say.
Source:http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_200/204b_dating_girl.html
on Sunday, 15 November 2009
in TalkOfDC Blog
